As my health normalizes, my mind clarifies and my heart calms, allowing deeper nuances of my life to come to the surface of my awareness.
I find myself sitting here, on this planet, relaxing amidst the rustle of the autumn leaves, anchoring into a forgotten stillness, having lost my way in this world … only to find it again and again and again.
Looking up at the stars, like I used to do when I was a boy. During times when I felt jubilant in my Soul. During times when I was depressed and wanted to be dead. The same starscape. The stars were there for me like twinkling friends, never leaving me alone in my solitude, and always celebrating with my Soul.
Over the years I got so lost up in the clouds, my feet barely standing on the ground. All the time I’ve been on Earth in this lifetime, I’ve barely been here. I was often semi-disembodied, one daydream or rumination away from losing touch with reality around me. Because in my body lived the pain of many lifetimes whose suffering I thought I could escape with death. But no. Death is not the end. People who fear it cannot fathom their foolishness.
So, still haunted by what I died to, unconsciously in my naïvité, I thought I could escape these pains in the wonder of my imagination. But still they haunted me as fears, discomforts , and illnesses which ravaged me physically, thereby making it impossible to ignore them.
I This I Am was tethered to this body, and this body to this planet.
Although this realm has been riddled with hells, evils, and demons — some of which I’ve encountered, even right inside the KS Swamp — this realm has been offering me something much more, something I had been blind to and was failing to recognize the whole time.
Earth.
A refuge.
A place to heal.
In this lifetime anyway, Earth has served as place where my Soul could have a Body that could finally feel all of the torment of its lifetimes. A place to release pain instead of accrue more while suppressing the former. Past lifetimes were living traumas, but this one is the purging of those traumas.
How funny that Earth, a planet riddled with so many problems, has proven a sanctuary for my Soul. A solace I didn’t even appreciate until some days ago when I suddenly realized that everything my fear was running from, no longer exists around me; everything that caused my pains, are no longer hurting me; everything that discomforts me, I can be free from — if only I’ll let it go.
In the past I’ve been very cynical of this planet and its society. Everything seeming outdated by eons, lacking advancements I once knew ages ago, working backwards like it had never known forwards. Not just technology, but some of the consciousness as well.
There are many people with bright souls, hearts, and minds, who are like the twinkling stars of this civilization. They have dotted the starscape of my life.
But there are many black holes walking around too. And I’m not talking about those whose wounds darken their light, like my own wounds have. I speak of those who traded chunks of their Soul for voids they’ll never fill.
I was cynical of the sundry negativities I witnessed in this world by black holes and wounded people alike, the pain inside me hyperfocusing on it and letting it get to me. It took me quite a while to figure out just how Free I am from all those external negativities — a Freedom I rediscovered only by working through what I wasn’t free from inside myself. All those lifetimes, the orphans of my Soul. Unfinished business that you just can’t die yourself out of.
Now I sit here amidst the sunny rustle of the leaves, abiding in the frequencies of a “New Earth” if ever there was one. Peace. Harmony. Beauty. It’s all right here, right now, with me. And not some artificial phantom realm, like certain killjoys in the KS Swamp would assert, but legit, real, living, existing Christic frequencies in the hologram outside of me.
So often, the hologram outside of me has been of a higher frequency than I was abiding at in myself. Too often I projected my unfinished pains onto the outer hologram. But as things heal and clear, I see how the external hologram has held me in my suffering, allowing me to work through it until I could buoy up into a better state on my own.
After many lifetimes of turmoil, I find myself lucky. To be granted such peace, so far away from home. My cynicism used to think I wouldn’t find any Christic peace in this world, yet here it is.
The KS view of this world is one of doom and spacedust. Personally, I don’t know the fate of this world and don’t pretend to. KS is not my religion nor my dogma, and I have not bought into its every claim, unlike certain religious adherents. So I don’t automatically regurgitate its dictums either.
Regardless, consciousness is often about the journey, not the destination — and whatever the destination, the overall journey of Earth currently stands in such peace and splendor, when one knows where to find it, both within as much as without. The external hologram is just reflecting a higher choice I had to make in myself — and all the little falling, warring, destructing holograms of war and murder and evil haven’t been able to overrule that overarching peace, as much as they try. There is a much larger hologram than which many New Agers or Krystic Doomers are tuning into. It’s been available to me when I work through my inner issues and am able to open myself up to it. I’ve had to choose to open myself up to it, instead of opening up to negatives and densities and stupidities that just weigh me down like the old lifetimes.
Maybe this planet doesn’t have a future forever, but it has a Now, and large swaths of this Now offer a higher frequency than it offered years and decades and centuries ago — and that’s good enough for the journeys of our Souls.
We can still grow here.
We can still heal here.
We can still live, even here.
This life of mine began with an anchor of such Innocence and Awe and Wonder. In a way, I was born as a little boy looking up at the stars.
But I got bogged down by all the negativity that had remained inside of me — all the trauma and their triggers and their unfinished timelines that remanifested outside of me.
I had to get through that first. This phase of my life, which began seven years ago with the Eclipse and Particle Conversion of 2017, is completing it purpose and coming to a close.
A time of extreme healing is transitioning into a time to wondrous living. Still a bit rocky, yet out of the main turbulence. Now feeling clearer, I remember my roots. I return to my roots of Innocence and Awe and Wonder. These are the main sparks of Kryst which meant the most to me. These are what keep me grounded while my head roamed the clouds.
In this state, another Procyak Past Life popped into mind, from several years ago. This soul retrieval occurred the day before my birthday and left me feeling reborn on the day of my Sol return.
I thought I had found myself then … but I’d lose myself again in the years since.
But only to find myself, again and again and again — a blessing which Earth has offered me.
Chasm by Tony Anderson: the song I listened to on repeat to facilitate this soul retrieval. I had also made a playlist that helped me work through all of these frequencies.
The name of this diary entry from 2018:
A Brave New World
On the eve of my 27th orbit around Sol, I returned to the core of my Soul. I was together with my Soul.
We were in this vast, endless space, floating free in the Universe. My soul was a silvery crystal marble floating in front of me. It was just me and Me. This is first time I had ever been properly alone with Myself.
It should’ve been a happy reunion, but I was mourning.
Just before that moment, I had helped my inner child heal a long forsaken trauma, one which kept him protecting himself. His arms were wrapped around my soul, afraid of letting me near. It took me many years and even more lifetimes to reach him.
When I finally did, he was surrounded by perimeters of despair and destruction. Around my soul he had built all of these defenses, enlisted guards, built walls — to keep everyone and everything out. At last I had gotten through them to reach him.
He clung to my soul. He was protecting our innocence. He was petrified it would be taken away. He offered no name and spoke no words, just embracing this orb of innocence for his dear life. He communicated only telepathically.
My whole life I’d been looking for my innocence, but he had been fearing for it, keeping it from shining into the world.
I approached cautiously and sat down to show I meant no harm. I invited divine guidance and support to surround us and seal us in a sphere, so that even though all his barriers had fallen, he might feel safe and secure.
I envisioned an attack hitting the sphere from above without effect, showing him that he was safe. He loosened up, easing out of his terror and into a calmer apprehension.
I began picking up on his thoughtforms, his trauma. He still didn’t speak, yet I could hear him yelling and wailing.
“No! Why are you doing this? Please… Don’t do this!”
I couldn’t see exactly what happened. It’s like all that was left of the traumas was this wail echoing across time.
What I knew instinctively was that his innocence was being taken away from him. It felt like he lost something dear. It manifested hazily as the vision of a blanket, but it seemed far more grave than such an object, far more historic. A blanket was just how this boy knew he was protecting his innocence for dear life. A blanket was his symbol of innocence.
After witnessing that holographic memory, we returned to the vast space where our soul sat in the center, emanating slow swirls of energy outward as we remained silent in the eternal stillness. I did some healing work with him, validating him and consoling him until he was calm and reconciled.
Whatever he lost was but a memory, no longer his reality.
We gazed at the orb of our soul. I asked him if he wanted to stay in this vast haven or merge into my current being and return with me. He thought about where he had come from, and how I had helped him, and absorbed into me.
I was alone. But he was within me now. He was no longer clutching my soul. He released it back to me.
Finally I had gotten through all the barriers to my truth and reconciled a situation that kept me afraid from expressing my truth.
Now, it was just me alone with Me. I bathed in the presence of my soul, mournful. Not because of what I had just healed, but because of what was unconscionable that remained ahead.
The orb became a portal, flourishing open into vibrant energy that drew me in. This sudden wave began transporting me across the universe.
A memory from this current life flashed before me.
At a healing session with a shaman, she conveyed that all of my soul fragmentation and trauma and fear after fear after fear tied back to a vibrant life whose love and joy was suddenly cut off.
Lifetime after lifetime I tried to return to the joy I had known before. I did not succeed. My misery grew darker and darker each time I lived a new life.
She did not get a clear visual of where or when this moment in the history of the Universe was, or how or why it happened. The only visual she got was flipping through a large tome and landing at certain points of my story, with this decimation of my joy being the most prominent and fundamental chapter.
The trappings weren’t important, she had said. That data didn’t matter; only the truth did. The clearest fact was simply that it had occurred a long, long time ago.
And now, being sucked into the stargate of my own soul, I was about to discover how it appeared to have happened in a land far, far away.
For that’s were I ended up. I don’t know where exactly, I don’t know when. It just wasn’t here. Again, the visuals weren’t clear.
What was clear was the vibe. It was like that of a happy family being outside on a summer day. One of those days where everything was so perfect and peaceful, it could last forever and nothing could go wrong.
Except then, the worst occurred. Everything went wrong. This sensation of a family, a people, a society, a planet being attacked.
Invaded.
Decimated.
I was left crying and mourning this place I couldn’t see but knew I knew.
My soul carried me back to the haven in which we were communing. I cried for a moment in silence.
My whole life I had always sought to reclaim my innocence. I had also always been seeking “my answer.”
And now I had it.
Every fear and hesitation and hiding who I am in this lifetime was because of that boy fearing for his innocence.
And the decimation answered my every why, my every pain, my every painstaking pursuit.
That’s where my Joy was destroyed.
And then I arrived on Earth, to heal.
