Aquareion POV

Body vs Spirituality

Our Bodies are the vehicle for navigating Density 1 (which is commonly but mistakenly called “3D”).

Unfortunately, these Bodies we have are also an alien-engineered GMO Homo Sapiens meatsuit which deteriorates and dies.

Not quite the sacred thing we’d usually have down in Density 1. What we have is highly altered.

One of the most challenging aspects of my Tour of Duty in this Matrix has been taking on physical illness. Healing my existential-spiritual issues has been easy for me, but healing my physical issues has been arduous, and has helped me really understand some of the suffering that goes on in this world.

The worst part was how bad of a hit my brain took.

For a handful of years, my brain was not “fully online” and wasn’t able to process or express my consciousness, making it impossible to express myself accurately or be creative. For many periods of time I was even unable to remember things beyond 10 seconds. Talk about “living in the moment.” In recent years I’ve had some great conversations with people, including in the KS World, but I either had to take diligent notes to not forget what we discussed, which took me out of the moment; or I could stay in the moment and let all the details fade away to forgottenness. Often I just gave up on the details to be present with the person. This left me with a “remembered sense” of what was discussed and how the conversation went, but the details would be lost to time.

A half decade of being semi-debilitated — going from hiking mountains to barely able to walk half a mile, from super intelligent to barely able to remember specifics, from spiritually adept to unable to hold frequencies in my nervous system — was not something I had seen coming in this lifetime. For years all I wanted to do was write my insights, but I couldn’t even think through things long enough to bring ideas together. Writing articles like this was impossible just one year ago. Other times I wanted to immerse in spiritual studies, but neuropathic eye pain and a groggy brain made spiritual work unmanageable.

For a good deal of my life, my Body had been undermining the expression of my Consciousness, and it was maddening.

When our foundation — our D1 Body — is not strong, it affects everything that rests on that foundation. That is, the rest of our Density 1 Self with our D2 Emotions and our D3 Mind/Will. Density 1 instability then makes it challenging for our Higher Self to guide our Human Self, because our Human Self may not have the wherewithal to remain aligned, making it too easy to get knocked off course.

Sadly, many people are suffering, and a lot of their suffering is physiological in nature, occurring at Dimension 1. This malfunctioning physiology then rocks their higher levels. Many D2-D3 Elemental-Emotional-Mental issues are the consequence of lower D1 issues, rather than the effect of higher D4+ issues. [Update: I believe D1 consists of the raw atomic stuff, while D2 is the molecular-metabolism stuff, meaning many D3+ issues can be founded in D2 issues more than D1 issues. So I might’ve been a little inaccurate in my original writing but am leaving all the original text as it is, with updates in brackets. D1 atoms are ultimately the building blocks for D2 molecules, nutrients, enzymes, etc so they go very hand in hand; then “chi” takes over to mobilize the D2 metabolism and make it “alive.”]

I have found “Mental Health” to be largely a misnomer. While the increasing mainstream focus on “Mental Health” does constitute some progress in terms of the Collective, that field hasn’t fully figured out the need to heal and balance the D1 Body. Instead, the Body often has pharmaceuticals foisted upon it, which artificially modulate the D1 compounds in order to try to balance the D2 Elemental-Emotionality and D3 Mentality. I guess this provides relief for some people, but it’s an unfortunate situation with what Humans are dealing with down here.

And to understand what Humans are going through, I incarnated into several of these issues myself. Yay for first-hand experience.

This has been the hardest part of my spiritual journey and many lifetimes, because it made my consciousness sink into extreme levels of density and downward spirals which my consciousness had never known before.

My Higher Self is my most trustworthy guide, yet my Human Self was suffering from immense pain, which toppled my Emotions, misused my Will, and maddened my Mind, coercing me into behaving in irrational ways that were way beneath my normal consciousness level. I’ve suffered from so much anger and rage, for example, only to learn that 90% of it derives from issues in my D1 Body, and never constituted actual D2 Emotions nor D3 Mindset challenges, let alone what my Higher Self wanted me to experience.

It’s been quite the existential frustration to have a storehouse of wisdom from my Soul and HS and thereby have an inner knowing of “how great I should be,” but meanwhile having a Body that was sick and suffering and therefore expressing its fluctuations in ways that were very incompatible with my own higher wisdom, wellbeing, integrity, maturity, and spirituality.

My Body was literally not healthy enough to live out the good traits of my own non-physical consciousness, and this was hell. My Self had to just watch on while I became a mess in this world. My health issues began in 2010 (upon being poisoned with an antibiotic based on a misdiagnosis) and I’ve spent the last decade and a half working to heal my D1 instabilities, just so that my consciousness could have a functional vehicle with which to navigate this world.

My life has been a tug of war between noble Spirituality and an animalistic Body that wasn’t getting what it needed to heal and be tamed.

Meditation vs Medication

Sometimes, our physical issues do correlate directly to our mental/emotional/spiritual issues. For this, I like to consult certain resources, such as the book Metaphysical Anatomy by Evette Rose, the website Emotions & Body by Jomán Romero, and sometimes German New Medicine.

This spiritual-first approach is where I began back in the dark winter of 2011, when I was experiencing deep depression.

I vowed to “meditate myself instead of medicate myself,” and then proceeded to attend my first 10-day meditation retreat in the summer of 2012.

But in some ways this was an unwise path. Because so many of my issues turned out to be purely corporeal in nature, and no amount of meditation or mindfulness or energetic work was going to resolve these cellular-elemental imbalances.

What I did gain from Meditation was potent “consciousness discipline.” I’ve been able to sit through extreme physiological suffering and agitation, while maintaining some degree of an anchor in my core consciousness beyond my suffering.

There were some days that were so bad I didn’t know if I could bear it. It made me think of other people out there with health issues, and how they bear it. Some of them literally can’t, and it’s because their D1 Body has gone haywire and they never developed a strong enough connection to their deeper consciousness to persevere inside the physiological storm.

That’s not judgement or blame on them. The D1 scenario of entropic GMO meatsuits that rot and die is not normal. I too have had to endure the fight that this devolved D1 Body poses, capable of completely toppling the stability of all of our higher consciousness.

Although healing spiritual-existential things never automatically healed my physiological issues, there were certain inner healings that correlated with the timing of healing certain physiological issues.

For example, my sophisticated combination of symptoms and syndromes finally began organizing into an understandable picture and being resolved after I healed the Boy in the Barn. So even though healing him didn’t heal my Body, healing him did unlock something in my consciousness that granted me some escape velocity from the entropy I was stuck in for years, and allowed me to move into higher alignment with my life and health. [March 2025: About ten months later it’s very interesting for me to look back at all the pieces that came together, pieces which I either didn’t have for a decade, or had them but didn’t know where they fit or how to position them. So much has come together in just a year which hadn’t in a decade. This was a big part of my healing.]

Elemental Exploration

All this physical suffering and healing has helped me become well-acquainted with the Elementals like Minerals and Metals, and their compounds like Vitamins and Amino Acids.

At this point I’ve experimented with most of them in isolation, because I wanted to understand what effect they had. And over the years I’ve found certain Elementals which my Body was needing. Taking the Elemental improved the D1 state of my Body, and mitigated the effects in my D2+ levels, thereby validating for me that “Mental Health” or “Emotional Pain” was not the root cause of my suffering. Maybe my cells were just a wreck and needed a component to stabilize them.

Some months ago I suffered from extreme Emotionality. I thought I could heal the Inner Child wound I was working through (that Boy in the Barn) and it would just go away. But eventually I learned I had imbalances in zinc, cortisol, and testosterone [and major imbalances with serotonin] — and addressing that resolved the Emotionality.

It was very interesting to go from feeling hyper-emotional and thinking it’s all about stuff I need to feel & heal, to overnight having this Emotionality ‘neutralized’ and feeling suddenly ‘normal’, with no existential things to work through. (Where’d all my Inner Work go? How am I supposed to be spiritual now!)

Theoretically, The Freedom Teachings gives us the tools to address these lowly D1 issues through quantum-energetic rehabilitation. But to be honest, I have not seen this work out well for people. While I’ve heard of some progress from people working with KS, I haven’t heard of anything profound, or on the level I need. I haven’t experienced anything profound so far.

And something inconvenient to mention, is that some of the “miracles” boasted about in certain New Age circles derive from the invocation of certain entities and energies which one would be wiser to avoid. Back in my days in the “Instagram Quantum Community,” I witnessed one woman’s mother get “healed by Jesus” and have a chronic health issue resolve instantly … only for her to soon die. That’s not a miracle, that was delayed murder by whatever was invoked and called “Christ.” The artificial-but-invoked energies “healed” (altered) the ailment while simultaneously harming her spiritually and ultimately physically.

Personally, I don’t have much hope of “taking my body along,” nor much desire. I suspect after several decades it’ll just want to be put out of its misery. It’ll want to die and my Soul will have to move on without it through Bardoah. I’ve never felt a calling or obsession to rehabilitate this broken Body beyond daily functionality. Just the goal to get it working well enough to live this life and write things without being angry.

Maybe as I dig deeper into the FT I’ll figure out how to make it work for my D1 level. (And if I encounter legit experiences like that, I’ll be writing about them.) But right now, it has seemed like a D1 issue needs a D1 approach.

Methylation

The MTHFR gene has become a bit popular in recent years, and it’s one of the first things I discovered was a little bit broken in my GMO Body.

Then I later discovered that my MTHFR half-mutation probably doesn’t affect me too badly, however my rapid CBS mutation wastes SAM-e and sulfur and leads to low glutathione, which has caused issues with oxidative stress. [Update: To my great surprise, this was later resolved with adenosylcobalamin, a rarer form of B12 which has helped me more than the recommended methylcobalamin.]

This webpage about Nutrigenomics is the type of esoteric physiological content I’ve had to navigate to make some sense of my symptoms and discover some improvements. Methylation in general is a complex framework of multiple components. Undermethylation, which is the extreme that I suffered from, would make me very irritable and snobby. It’s known for producing Type A behavior. For too many years I thought that “inner drive” was “just me,” but no, it was just broken biology. (Here’s a ton of methylation links: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.)

There is also a strong association between Autism and Methylation issues [and apparently a connection to vasopressin and many other things, like oxidative stress], and other genetic issues and physiological imbalances. (Not to mention the sundry environmental toxins which overwhelm these fragile Bodies.) In retrospect I experienced slight signs of Autism now and then. In some cases of Autism, the person’s consciousness is likely very high-functioning, but their Body just can’t keep up or convey their consciousness well.

Whenever I felt this discrepancy in myself, it really bothered me. It was the first clue that there was something ‘off’ in the interfacing between my Body and my consciousness So I’ve devoted years to get my Body to a place where it could represent Me and express Me, and it’s finally starting to pay off.

I’m finally starting to become … normal. Which in some ways, is what “Spirituality” is really about: just being able to be a functional Human without any debilitating distortions dragging you down or fancy fanfare making you seem oh-so-spiritual.

Antioxidants

From the NutrEval panel.

Antioxidants have proven important for me: NAC/glutathione, ALA (alpha lipoic acid), Vitamin C…

These Bodies breathe oxygen to sustain themselves, and unpleasant things occur when that oxygen starts to oxidize Elementals inside the Body, like Iron and Copper; or when there are oxygen-based free radicals wreaking havoc on cellular membranes. [I have a homozygous mutation of SOD2, meaning free radicals can easily go wild inside my mitochondria since the enzyme isn’t there to deal with them. I now take manganese 50mg twice a day as the only solution I’ve found for this.]

The fact that our Bodies can’t produce Vitamin C endogenously is the single biggest proof to me that our Bodies are GMO products. We’re 1 enzyme away from being able to make it. Many animals can still make Vitamin C and there is no reason Humans should be exempt.

Science jumps through magical hoops to explain away inconvenient issues like this. Darwinian Evolution is all about survival of the fittest genes, and then here comes a species that can’t even survive at sea without getting scurvy. It’s ludicrous.

Sulfite Toxicity

This marker alludes to issues with sulfite metabolism. Did the Naturopath acknowledge it and do anything about it? Nope! From Organic Acid Test (OAT).

One of my worst conditions has been an allergy to sulfites. [Now highly mitigated by discovering adenosyl-B12!] This is also a byproduct of the CBS enzyme wasting sulfur and leading to a needless accumulation of sulfites, which are neurotoxins. No wonder my brain has been so unhappy and debilitated.

This D1 sulfite issue has induced extreme artificial anger, rage, and resentment in my Mind. It’s not a D2 Emotion so much as a cellular toxicity that ravages my Mind, accompanied by potent physical symptoms like lethargy and eye pain. All because the D1 metabolites of sulfites are ravaging my brain.

I used to think there was some profound spiritual wound I had to heal concerning this. Some great big trauma to undo. But after many years of spiritual discipline and anchoring in my consciousness to watch this condition play out in my headspace, it never budged.

Then one day I had a dream that led me down an intuitive rabbit hole, and this enabled me to piece together what was going on.

It led me to discovering the rare but lovely Elemental called Molybdenum. Lo and behold, the first dose resolved the artificial anger and symptoms in 90 minutes. It might not be the sole solution (pH seems to play a role in this condition) but it was a miracle for me. A D1 miracle that granted profound ease to my D2 and D3+ levels. So although I haven’t experienced direct physical healing from spiritual healing, this is another case where “something spiritual” lined up and led to physical healing. [There turned out to be another piece to this puzzle: boosting serotonin, the deficiency of which seems to be the main cause of artificial physiological anger.]

Unfortunately though, keeping up with this condition has been challenging, where I’d forget to take enough Molybdenum or some other event would overwhelm my sulfite levels, and artificial anger would still creep up on me. Hurt people hurt people, and sadly this anger condition made me hurt many people in my life. It’s been horrible to have this occurring inside me and spilling out into my reality. It’s all artificial, yet can severely affect reality.

I do see a spiritual condition where, when I feel deceived or hurt, that then “stores up” and when the sulfites flood my brain, the anger hyper-focuses on those issues. [Low serotonin.] So sometimes there was a spiritual connection to the physiological issue, and a “good reason” to “not feel good” about a circumstance. But this sulfite anger always exploded like a volcano at an ant of a problem, and I’ve had to go to great lengths to tame it. It’s one of the worst things my D1 Body has suffered from.

Iron & Copper Deficiency

The lifeblood of my Blood has been either low or completely out of whack, apparently for years, since around 2019 when I spent a week walking around a hot campground… It took a wise doctor to finally point this out. (I’ve been super critical of Western Medicine in my past, since it has indeed harmed me; but this year there have been moments where it actually validated itself in certain contexts.)

Bizarrely, low iron led to extremely low levels of zinc, which exacerbated my artificial Emotionality and hormone issues. Probably because low iron is known to cause oxidative stress, and zinc was being wasted to try to keep it at bay. It shows how interconnected and complex the Body is. [Many months later it turns out I still struggle from a strange recurring deficiency of zinc. This is one of the last pieces in my puzzle to figure out. I require huge doses of 300-500mg zinc picolinate a day which is not normal, and is forcing my copper to stay too low.]

This healing with my iron is so recent I’m still not even sure what the outcome will be; how much might be solved. Most likely this is the main reason I couldn’t hike mountains anymore … or exercise … or comfortably walk around the block. [This later turned out to be needing adenosyl-B12, and also needing hormonal support in the form of DHEA.]

Copper and iron are quite intimate, with copper necessary to allow iron to work in generating blood, and to also make raw energy.

Low copper has been even worse than low iron. At its lowest, it felt like my physical energy was drained out from inside of me, as if it I experienced energetic blood-letting. Copper is a pivotal mineral for the mitochondria, and without it, energy is literally not synthesized.

Having a Body is no fun when it barely has the physical energy to mobilize itself.

Acidosis

The Blood must be maintained at a certain level of pH… And due to a health event several years ago, it seems my Body lost the ability to maintain this pH balance, especially upon eating meals. I’ve ended up in the hospital with major Acidosis at one point.

Lactic acid is what builds up after exercise, and I was suffering from something that felt similar, except upon eating, and which would last for hours. And if I wasn’t careful, it could build up to an extreme degree, where it felt like I was “drowning in air.” [Bizarrely, this was ultimately resolved with adenosyl-B12.]

In spite my criticisms of Western Medicine in the past, this was an area where it was well-equipped to help me, when things really got bad.

Sulfite Toxicity and Acidosis are interesting conditions to me. Because tying them back to Spirituality, I see signs of how they represented how toxic and acidic this world was to my Innocence. Certain things in this world are objectively toxic and acidic, but the issue is that I let them affect me too strongly, and I stuck around the toxicity and acidity for too long, and in an indirect way, that developed health conditions involving toxicity and acidity.

Although none of my healing has been a super direct 1:1 connection, there are some very strong correlations in how certain health conditions developed.

Neurotransmitters

As I mentioned earlier, I find “Mental Health” to be a misnomer. If there is a genuine issue with the health of the Mind, then Mental approaches would heal it: things like meditation, mindfulness, awareness, etc.

But those approaches are not solutions for people not dealing with legit Mental Health issues. There are physiological levels which must be in-order for the Mind to operate smoothly.

The most direct level of physiology that needs to be in order are the Neurotransmitters. This is where my “biohacking” experiments began back in the day. Unfortunately, I discovered that many other levels must be in order too, such as minerals and acid-base homeostasis, before the Neurotransmitters can flow well and keep the brain functioning and the nervous system calm. It’s similar to how D3 rests on D2: functional neurotransmitters rest on the stability of other physiological factors.

But as my health has improved, it’s allowed me to see which Neurotransmitters can use a boost.

A lack of motivation in the morning is resolved with some dopamine support: tyrosine and olive leaf extract.

And an occasional sense of doom or depression is resolved with some serotonin support: tryptophan, 5HTP, or St Johns Wort. [It’s appearing much of my artificial anger was also due to low serotonin, and I didn’t appreciate just how much support I need to normalize this.]

Anxiety, to some degree, can be supported with GABA support: theanine, valerian, chamomile, etc. However this is one condition that I found to have huge ties into deeper physiological imbalances, and it really only let up upon healing the deeper things. Even Iron Deficiency can generate Anxiety, I learned.

[I’ve since gone on to support acetylcholine with alpha-GPC and occasional huperzine, along with choline and lecithin for the PEMT/choline gene mutations I seem to have.]

This quiz has been invaluable for me in pinpointing the state of my Neurotransmitters.

The book Mood Cure by Julia Ross is also useful, including for dealing with addictions and understanding “false moods.” Any “mood” generated from a physiological issue rather than a spiritual-experiential event, is a false mood.

Insomnia

One of the worst conditions I’ve dealt with is insomnia.

Sleep is the foundation of the day, and if you lose sleep, you can lose your whole “Continuum of Now” that you’re supposed to be awake for and do stuff during. All the Now’s after waking up can become wasted and feel miserable.

This is what I endured for several years. So much Now wasted due to lethargy, neuropathy, misery. In my case, losing sleep wasn’t just about “feeling tired,” which I noticed is the assumption everyone makes when I mention the issue of Insomnia.

Instead the insomnia was resulting from other major physiological imbalances, like Iron Deficiency and Acidosis [and hypocalcemia and low zinc and low testosterone and high histamine and glutamate/GABA imbalances…]. Therefore, the symptoms associated with the Insomnia were far worse than just being tired. It wasn’t actually about being tired or losing sleep, it was about all of the other stuff.

One hard part of this journey is that people who have’t experienced physiological debilitation, simply don’t get it. I say Insomnia, they think tiredness. I say eye pain, they think tired eyes. I say brain grog, they think of something that’ll pass soon enough instead of recurring everyday and preventing you from working and thinking for half a decade.

I had to do much of the legwork in getting myself better where doctors and Western Medicine fell short. “Medical Gaslighting” is also something I’ve experienced a smidgeon of, because when a professional doesn’t know what to do, sometimes they just want you to be making up the problems they can’t figure out. (Historically, this is where they’d say “it’s all in your head” or “hysteria” or “hypochondria.”) Fortunately, I have not experienced a lot of this. Unfortunately, I did experience a lot of ignorance and incompetence, since this is still the Western-Rockefeller “Health” System, after all.

Magnetism

As elaborated in Keylontic Homosexuality, I’m a Magnetic Man, and the energy of my aura/field — and therefore Body — functions on Feminine-EirA Principles.

Turns out “hard work” is pretty toxic to the Feminine. In my early twenties I worked my ass off and constantly over-exerted myself, using my D3 Willpower [and undermethylation Type A Personality flaws] to exploit my D1 Body and energy to get what I wanted and make money and “get things done,” with little regard for my D2 Feelings about all of this.

Then my Higher Self kicked me in the ass and pulled the rug out from under me so that I’d stop living that way. [I now understand this is because I had severely strayed from my Heroic Path, going down a path of “probable self” that was utterly defunct.]

It has taken me years to purge my Faux Masculine anger & armor and return to the quiet stillness of my true Magnetic Power.

Life has to be lived differently when one is Magnetic. There has to be alignment, ease, and good frequencies. Nothing can be forced; it all must flow. I’ve had to learn to become the frequency of the things I desire, instead of trying to control reality to grasp for what I want.

I couldn’t control my Health from falling apart… So I had to re-become my own innate Magnetism, and allow my Health to align back together again. (Suddenly I see the scene in Iron Giant, where after exploding apart, the Iron Giant recalls his bits and bolts back to him from a distance.)

As my symptoms have calmed down, I’ve been able to settle more and more into my Magnetism, which allowed me to realize how much of a calm, quiet, and sensitive Being I am. Due to the physiological imbalances, so many of my emotions were fake, just the movement of cells gone haywire, agitating me for no good reason. With that out of the way, I’ve recognized how spiritually cathartic crying is, and how much can be healed by simply feeling something through to completion. [Fun fact: sufficient serotonin is required for functional emotional processing and healing.]

As my Body has healed, it’s allowed me to quit being a fake Man with fake Masculinity to fake fit in.

I just want to be myself — and that will always be the healthiest thing to do.

But there was still a force that caused ripples in my stillness and prevented me from abiding in calmness…

Anxiety (Listening to Reality)

In Attachment Styles, there’s something called “Anxious Attachment.”

That’s something I experienced on and off throughout life without really understanding it, thinking it was just derivative of subtle subconscious traumas I needed to clear up. But upon exploring and integrating my own Magnetism and unifying it with my Inner Electricity, it started to make more sense.

Anxiety is Magnetism gone haywire.

[And to my great surprise, much of this was resolved with increased serotonin support, not GABA support. I had gotten these two wires crossed for a long time before understanding just how severely deficient I was in serotonin. Low serotonin does cause only depression, but also anxiety and irritability and anger, and most inspiringly it also caused me difficulties in sensing energy in my aura and perceiving intuition and imagination. Low serotonin, along with making the nervous system very “agitated” and “touchy,” has some major spiritual symptoms.]

The possibility of having this condition started to hint itself to me when multiple people began suggesting “you might have anxiety.”

Yeah, okay. I had already understood it intellectually and how it applied to some past experiences, but nah, I certainly didn’t have this “anxiety” thing that is oh-so common these days, right?

But when multiple people say the same thing, you listen… You listen to your hologram, because it is literally speaking to you. How much easier can it get?

As I witnessed in the KS Religion, some people make their life way harder by not listening to their holographic reflections., instead converting their life signals into ulterior explanations, excuses, or fantasies so they didn’t have to confront their own reality. This is professional spiritual bypassing, and a form of spiritual psychosis. I knew I never wanted to be like that.

So, here was this “anxiety” thing coming up multiple times in my holographic reflections, and I was wise enough to know I had to take notice.

I always thought Anxiety was “nervousness.” I had felt nervousness in my past and didn’t experience it anymore, therefore I dismissed this other word that was being presented to me.

This is what I call a False Fusion: when one word/concept/energy is fused with another word/concept/energy, and invoking one automatically invokes the other, even at the expense of the original. People were saying “You might have anxiety” and I was thinking “No, I’m not nervous.”

But apparently, Anxiety can be a cluster of things, including physical D1 symptoms like muscle tension, as much as D2 Emotional or D3 Mental/Willpower symptoms.

Anxiety is also related to worry, panic, and doom.

At a spiritual level, Fear was one of the first things I began working through at the beginning of my 2012 Awakening. From the prospect of death to the entities sent my way in the KS Swamp, I’m not really afraid of anything.

Yet that is “Me, the consciousness that I Am” who’s not afraid — my Waking Mind and my Higher Self.

But what about my poor Body? What about my “pet human”? How does it feel? What does it fear?

Turns out my Body has been more afraid than I ever acknowledged… I see how my highfalutin mastery of fear made it feel abandoned in darkness, which then made its reactions all the more intense any time it felt something bad.

My Body has held onto a deep fear-survival complex, as if the traumas of all my past lives were stamped inside my cells today. No amount of existential-spiritual-philosophical “fear processing” addressed the fear rooted in my cells and modulating my Elements.

On the other side of the coin is Avoidance. This is also a fear-survival complex, where a person can feel existentially claustrophobic or impinged upon. This also derives from the D1 Body feeling suffocated in some way, which it then tries to “survive its way out of” by not approaching the thing it feels is causing the suffocation, even though that doesn’t contribute to solutions any more than the hysteria of Anxiety.

These Elemental Fear Complexes wreak havoc on relationships. (Though all hope is not lost.)

For whatever reason, my fear-survival complex (paired with my ol’ sulfite/serotonin anger) manifested the most with friends over the years. Friendships have been my relationship training grounds. I guess because that’s where I most let down my guard, which simultaneously compelled my Body to be on high alert and begin looking out for threats, which I wasn’t conscious of it doing. And then if there was a misunderstanding or an actual harmful event, it unleashed itself against my own conscious Will.

This dynamic was very unfortunate for both myself and some of my friends. It was so extreme that sometimes I could not catch and contain it in time; it highly destabilized my own hologram and mental clarity. Too often, there were projections that made things worse. My Body’s pandora box of fear sent waves through my Emotions and reconfigured my Mind to view outer reality the way its inner fear appeared, with illusions and projections of what wasn’t real, instead of seeing things as they were. Like seeing monsters under the bed, when it was just a shadow. Plato’s Cave: terror edition.

This all happened because I just didn’t know that my Body was so neglected and petrified, and I wasn’t yet spiritualy mature enough to know how to handle a D1 Body, and I wasn’t yet wise enough to recognize that the frightened signals it fed into my D2+ levels weren’t accurate or even real. Sure, there may have been a genuine issue which needed addressed, and maybe anger could be appropriate for a certain violation; but instead of giving space to my Waking Consciousness or Higher Awareness to address the circumstance, my Body began freaking out like a wild bull wanting to stampede at the red flag.

Even when the other person was not holding a red flag… Or, even if there was a red flag, it still didn’t make sense for my Body to be freaking out over it the way it did. This fear-survival complex was so unconscious in my cells, that any time it got triggered, it saw threats everywhere. It was remembering its own histories, which had not yet been integrated up into my D3+ awareness nor purged out of the cellular memory.

This is the tough way I’ve gotten training in the Human Condition, and the discrepancies it has in relation to the Spiritual Unconditional (IE our Higher Selves etc).

I had never had a Body this petrified, tense, and on-edge before. It took my consciousness by surprise. I came into this life planning to be a Writer, but due to certain Matrix circumstances I developed all of these physiological issues, which then triggered deep cellular imbalances, which derived from prior existential traumas. It’s hard to write in this state. Too often my writing was just artificial anger being articulated, so I suppressed my writing for many years to try not to express myself that way. Sulfite Toxicity and Corporeal Anxiety completely interfered with my writing and the rest of my life.

This has been a train wreck to untangle.

I’m well-versed if not adept at navigating the D2 through D7 levels, but damn, this D1 was a whole other beast — literally, a wild beast mutated by aliens and born from the finite dirt of Earth.

Only very recently am I learning how to tame this beast that is my Body. It might be an Alien GMO Product, but it’s also still a component of my overall consciousness that I need to respect — or it will not respect Me, as its many imbalances have shown. For years I just wanted to run away from it and forge my own mental-based reality… Hello, Quarter Life Crisis with potent illness.

But now, this year is all about taming it. When the Body has its needs met and can feel safe, then my Spirit can flow forth without making an ass of myself. Paradoxically, the height of my spiritual wellness must begin at the lowest level I’ve chosen to experience and incarnate into. [Read that again: the low is the foundation for the high. All those higher shakaras need to sit on a solid foundational shakara.]

Over the years this corporeal Anxiety has completely shredded and commandeered my higher inspiration and discernment. Until it began calming down, I didn’t realize how falsely urgent and anxious my sense of perception was about what to do, when to do it, and whether to do it at all. So much of my “Divine Right Timing” was way off, due to these urges. Elemental Anxiety creates false compulsions in the Body system that are not congruent with one’s consciousness or alignment. In the end, this false urgency and hyper emotionality is one of the most frustrating things I’ve endured.

So much was real that was never true…

And through this I’ve gotten my share of wayward life experiences to teach me how to come back to my Self and my Core. To exit the Matrix and return to my Consciousness. It’s regretful how much my petrified Anxiety splashed out and spilled over onto others, but what can I do.

The only thing I have control over is the thing I had failed to acknowledge, respect, and command this whole time: my corporeal, foundational, D1 Body.

A body… The greatest spiritual challenge I’ve had in all my lifetimes and realms.

"A subtle form of disempowerment can arise where we allow our bodily or physical connections to be devalued, e.g. by regarding them as not spiritual, fallen or not worthy of our attention. We also need to be careful that our natural desire for ascension doesn’t become a form of escapism. We came here to do a job by anchoring and holding a certain presence in the present, in the here and now. That is the point of power." – Coping by Noel Tobin

Addendum: Serotonin, Incarnate-Soul Resonance, Subtle Illness, and the Arrival of Kennedy

A dash of anxiety…

An iota of autism…

A dollop of depression…

A deficiency of copper, zinc, calcium and more — and all the strange uncomfortable symptoms galore.

These are some of the things I’ve endured.

It turns out you can’t make sense of the intricacies of Keylontic Science without enough acetylcholine in your brain.

You can’t focus on things without dopamine to keep you invested.

You can’t write a book without serotonin to enable creative flow.

You can’t be calm and still without enough GABA.

The Body might stay alive, but can’t function effectively without metals and minerals and neurotransmitters and pH balancing and chemicals combusting and pathways flowing.

I re-read this entry and was rewarded in seeing that the progress I’ve made has not only continued, and not only begun to solidify into daily functional health and wellness, but also begun to enable to me to actually be more consistently happy, calm, and creative. One event last year made me realize just how bad my health was when I wanted to meet up with a friend for lunch but kept postponing or fearing the date because I literally couldn’t predict my health — I couldn’t schedule some time in the future and expect to be okay. Now, I have more and more moments of feeling good, and each one feels like a miracle, in contrast to the moths and years I’ve lost to physiological hell.

To achieve this I take about 20 separate supplements a day (after having spent five years trying each in isolation to see their effects) but this is what’s required to keep my Body & Mind operating smoothly — not just at baseline of sustenance and survival, but actually feeling good and energetic and enthused for life.

Supporting serotonin in particular has profoundly changed my life. There were so many ugly, irritable, angry crevices in my brain that I thought “were a part of me” or “meant something was wrong with me” which for years I tried to “do my inner work” and “heal my way out of” … and then I take a couple supplements (5HTP, St Johns Wort … also zinc, adeno-B12, methionine, and taurine) and poof, suddenly that all disappears and it’s like it never existed.

Years of mental-emotional-spiritual-existential suffering, suddenly gone…

For so long I thought there was something fundamentally wrong with Me This I Am that I needed to change/heal/fix before the symptoms would get better … but it turns out I just have a Body wounded and vulnerable at the most intricate levels of DNA, genetics, and metabolism.

There was never anything wrong with “Me” — with my I, with my Am, with my God-granted Awareness. There was just something wrong with my Body, and it’s taken half of my life so far to figure out what this poor Body has needed.

Interestingly, serotonin has proven very important for basic spiritual traits and functions, like happiness, humility, and compassion. I never wanted to be as rough around the edges as I was, but “it was the way I was.” Now however I can feel into things with so much more depth and understanding, and more patience and ability to stay calm in the face of spiritual corruption which has always been my biggest wound and trigger.

Serotonin also seems to act as a lubricant for the nervous system, making it function smoothly which prevents lumpiness, anxiety, and agitation; and it has also enhanced my ability to perceive energies and my aura, and has even improved visualization and maybe clairvoyance. Lacking all of this explains why I often had difficulty with KS techniques or even just navigating energetics in my life. Without serotonin I felt like I “couldn’t see them but knew they were there” which felt imposing, and it was like I was stuck in a mush of energy without clarity about the energy. Now, it feels like I’m at the center of all the energies and can navigate them with awareness.

Abiding in this improved health for a while has lent to other noteworthy reflections too…

For one, I see how my broken-down Body was basically operating at a frequency/oscillation too low for my Soul to interface with. This is a truly miserable and even horrifying experience.

My Soul and I are pretty tight — and a lot of Spirituality is about Soul Embodiment — yet I often could not bring my Soul Essence down into my Body or through my AzurA, which left me abandoned as this absolutely miserable Human stuck down in Density 1. For years I could perceive the type of noble essence my Soul was and how much better of a person and Being I could be if I embodied more of it, but I physically couldn’t.

All my health issues kept my Body oscillating way too low. I was recently reading about astral projection, out-of-body experiences, and near-death experiences in the Dance for Life manual and how a part of consciousness (the Silver Cord I think, or the Ego-Mind) can go “too far away from the body” which would cause death, so the body yanks it back; or else the Soul might have to “spark” the body to raise its frequency enough to “re-meet” the part that left and went too high in frequency — because if that part goes too high while the Body remains too low, the twain can’t connect anymore, and the Body’s gonna lose its life.

I feel like I was experiencing an alternate, drawn-out, living-hell version of that. My Soul was all bright and noble, and my Human was alive but not well at all, and they could barely connect. I could almost never be at my best. My Essence couldn’t reach down and fit inside this dilapidated Body.

The Body is brilliant in the great lengths it will go to keep itself alive … but that doesn’t make it enjoyable or functional at all.

That makes me reflect further on all of the (physiological) suffering in the world … especially in Western countries … especially in America.

I see just how much of my ill-health was initiated by that one antibiotic fifteen years ago, after which I began experiencing severe depression; and thinking about how the gut biome is so important for producing certain vitamins and neurotransmitters; and then thinking about how fake all of the food is with barely any nutrients; and on and on.

There’s a huge interconnected web of illness here.

And at least in America, for the last century or so, it has been engineered by the Rockefeller “Health” System.

If one antibiotic permanently sabotaged serotonin in me, what fallout is everyone else dealing with? There are people who have SSRI’s foisted onto them, causing them to either suffer from “side effects” (IE, main effects which are to be expected from toxic artificial chemical substances) or becoming school shooters. Why aren’t these people given 5HTP 3x a day to be done with it?! (Because it’s not profitable for Evil, and people with natural serotonin functionality can’t be hijacked by spirits and esoteric government weaponry to facilitate school shootings.)

And if I wasn’t able to eat my way back to health all these years, even with focusing on things like probiotics, then just how bad is it for everyone else eating all the same crap?

Just how much is this Engineered Illness System lowering the oscillations of people’s Bodies to be incompatible with their Souls and Higher Spirituality?

That’s sticking out to me as likely the main esoteric reason for instituting a toxic health system: not to kill people off like the Georgia Guidestones and other Evils so desperately desire in order to “protect Earth,” but to incapacitate people spiritually, thereby making them (barely) functional enough for slave labor but not functional enough to develop energetic escape velocity to transcend the Matrix System.

That’s basically what happened to me, in spite being born as a precocious and spiritually-curious child, contemplating random things in the elementary school lunch line like “if the universe is a bubble, what’s on the other side?” or that day at he park where I realized “the awareness inside me is the same awareness inside that person, but our awarenesses feel separate.”

In spite receiving my Heroic Path directives before high school even ended and getting into meditation just a few years later which further hyper-activated parts of my DNA and consciousness, my Body was ultimately coerced into such a low state due to direct medical posisions and indrecit food mal-nutiriton that I could not embody, enjoy, heal from, or capitalize upon any of my inner spiritual resources.

I was stuck in physiological hell, being a miserable Human with a Soul who couldn’t come down this far in density.

And I think most people are in some degree of physiological hell too. The really bad range of illness is when it’s subtle enough that you think it’s normal, not knowing how much better things could be. And especially considering just how subtly all this bad food can micro-undermine neurotransmitters and position people to experience vague artificial moods or be stuck in stress and never feel good, there’s just so much at play to make things “just that much worse” without making it bad enough to be fully discernble.

I guess I was “lucky” that my losses and implosions of health were each quite dramatic, meaning I could distinctly recall what it was like to be healthy before things got so bad. That’s what gave me the existential motivation to get to the bottom of everything, knowing there was something I once had which I hoped was still waiting to be had again.

In this light, I was thinking about RFK’s appointment to Secretary of Department of Health (which ties into other reflections I wrote about on being an “Aquareion-American”).

I am literally surprised RFK made it through the Senate and attained that position. All the other confirmations seemed to be sailing through but I did not have faith he would, the one I really cared about, due to the magnitude of corruption and power and evil residing in Big Pharma.

And yet, he’s now Secretary of Health. It’s a done deal. (Quite the upgrade from the obese frakenwoman who advocated for mutilating children.)

Surprisingly, it seems Big Pharma has shut the fuck up for once and understood its place in the big scheme of things, probably knowing its subversive tactics will be reeled in and there’s nothing more they could do but fall in line.

“Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s expected Senate confirmation on Thursday to lead the nation’s health agencies threatens upheaval for America’s $4 trillion health care industry. The industry is doing little and hoping for the best. … That’s not because they aren’t worried, but because they didn’t think they could stop him — or think the cost of speaking out would be too steep, five people representing health groups, granted anonymity to speak candidly, said. By staying mum, they hope to limit the fallout if Kennedy follows through on his plans to strip the industry to the studs.” – Why the health care industry is letting RFK Jr. cruise to confirmation

I don’t think 90% of people understand just how important RFK’s position as Secretary of Health is, assuming he goes forth and carries out everything he’s aware of and has talked about in the past. He’s the most health-aware mainstream person I’ve ever seen; he’s the person most “like me” out there, clearly having gone down many medical rabbit holes and even tried “alternative” (natural, normal, shoulda-been-tried-first) things for his own health. The people who mock him for the illnesses he’s endured are disgustingly inhumane — they show how they literally don’t care about the health of Humanity. The people hating on him just because of his association with Trump or their own obsession with vaccines or whatever, hate Humanity, because They Hate Health.

But forget them, they lost and all they can do is whine about it. Spiritually speaking for the Collective, RFK’s presence and position is probably the most important thing at this point in history, due to the impacts he can have on physical health — and the impact that will have on creating solid D1-D2 foundations for people to prosper nutritionally, mentally, emotionally, and therefore spiritually.

D1 and D2 are the foundation of upon which all other dimensions rest. And with whatever people might struggle with spiritually or mentally or emotionally and with how much some of those people have targeted me and attacked me and tried to violate me with their own issues, I’d never wish ill health upon my worst enemy.

If someone’s gonna be corrupt, it should be because of who and what they’ve willfully chosen to be, not a Rockerfeller-Annunaki-induced distortion.

And if someone’s innocent, they should never be forced to deal with illness which undermines their own essence.

🎶 I don’t want a never-ending life. I just want to be alive while I’m here.