A friend once left me with wisdom that continues to support me in my growth, spirit, and awareness through to this day.
Things like perceiving some semblance of hope in this Dark World…
Insights about cosmic spirituality that helped me see things differently…
Reflections on family that helped me acknowledge more love at home where I had taken it for granted…
And a warning to not be duped by someone I had been duped by before — to not get influenced into making a fool of myself, again.
A warning he was so right about.
Because I failed and became the fool, again.
And the worst of it happened when I drowned in a pit of my own confusion, fear, anger, and despair. My hologram was already rearranging other big things in my life beforehand (basically a near-death experience but without the excitement of an OBE), which left me vulnerable to further flux, and then certain things transpired in all the wrong ways. My hologram underwent a catastrophe to break apart some of my longest remaining pain and illusions. I’ve been through big hologram restructuring before (hello, 2017) but this one was unexpected and intense (hello, eclipse).
I thought this catastrophe was conveniently contained inside my own field and reality, with little outside knowledge. But believing that was foolish too.
Afterward, I remember the “I Told You So” of the person who duped me. It was heartless and tone-deaf. Like a high-five while at my deepest low.
Indeed, he did “tell me so.” And told others so much as well. So much telling. So many things, told so brazenly. With a good deal of overbearing control and righteousness, perhaps from a place of highly intellectualized fear. To generate such enmity, maybe he was so fearful in himself, for which there can be compassion. Or maybe it’s just sociopathy. I told him how ashamed and embarrassed I was, but even that was dumb of me, sharing personal sentiments where there was such a disdain for the Human Condition and Human Emotions.
Just so right, he wanted to be, that he’d congratulate me for being so wrong in myself.
What an inversion. He wasn’t right. Precisely because I was utterly wrong. It’s not even about him or anyone else.
I underwent a catastrophe of fear and misperception that was about me and essentially not about the other person my fear projected upon as a mirror.
While there were certain hurts, none of the criticism which my pain and fear and trauma expressed is objectively valid; my gift for words got hijacked by a deep fear/anger/anxiety/survival complex which I’ve struggled with in my life. Such are the perils of an unhappy earthbody that sometimes gets over-energized by the combustion of anxiety paired with negativity. My earthbody holds deep survival fears and metabolic imbalances where certain threats can still feel like death. That converted into fearful anger, and the anger was majorly about me, not the other person, no matter what events happened.
It would’ve been better if it had remained contained in my reality. Not better for me, but better for the other person, for him to heal and move on.
Because this KS Community/Religion/Swamp is so socially incestuous… Baseless gossip, shallow perceptions, and utter nonsense gets passed around like a game of telephone, as if people’s lives depend on it more than Kryst. I had gotten sucked into it too, because it was so prevalent. Quitting it has been a great relief.
Maybe the joke is on those who believed me at my worst? How’s that Discernment working out? Did people Discern, or did they just think they were “proven right” because it matched the fearmongering that was being preached that day? Maybe the joke is on those people, and on the one who duped me.
I don’t think a lot of people even witnessed my crisis. But who cares. Really, the joke is on me. Getting so sucked into the religiosity and corruption of the KS Swamp, and getting my pain and trauma prodded at and squeezed out of me faster than I or my volatile health could handle. It’s the most unhealthy spiritual environment I’ve ever been in, and I made the mistake of sticking around for far too long.
When I discovered the KS World, I thought I was getting a nice place to consult about Kryst. But it was just karma after karma after karma inside myself, with others who didn’t even deal with their own karma. Kryst is within me, but so was my karma — so maybe karma is what I had to purge out of me, along with submerged trauma… Maybe the KS Swamp did serve me in showing me everything I still had to address, serving as a mirror; all the while Kryst would just have to remain on the other side, where the grass is greener, until I could get there.
Regardless, my physical Body took the toll of the stress, as did my Mind and Heart. There were periods over the last couple of years where I couldn’t balance myself out, due to preexisting life challenges or health issues, which then left me more susceptible to the religious overlays. The worse I got, the more fearful I became, the more my anxiety took over to try to defend my body’s fear. Down, down, down the levels of consciousness I fell, so far away from my core self and basic everyday stability. I had never known religious trauma and indoctrination before, but now I was compromised and vulnerable to it. And although this nonsense was being generated outside of me and is not my fault at all, of course it is my mistake and responsibility for overly exposing myself to it while being weak to it.
In that low state, I absorbed some of the most noxious fearmongering. Hateful things about innocent people. In the darkness of my own distress, it latched into my Mind and, for a moment, felt like it was true. It felt true because my body was so fearful of it, which made it seem so real. My unconscious survival complex got activated big time and I wasn’t physically healthy enough to tame it. It took over and consumed me. Anxiety ad extremus.
The hardest awakening in my life, was waking up and realizing it was not true. The literal process of coming back to consciousness after immersion in holographic illusion. Realizing it was just the reality of my body’s fear, playing out stronger than I could catch it and contain it with my consciousness.
I have had the displeasure of knowing spiritual perverts in this world, and my friend was not one of them. I am profoundly sorry to him and his family for the deep wounds and fears I succumbed to in one of the worst moments of my life. I pray they are safe and free from effects this KS Religion, because I know it negatively affected him in so many ways as well.
So there it is. I was wrong, in the worst way possible.
Fearful. Angry.
Mistaken.
Perhaps this was all just another pitstop in my own Tour of Duty, discovering wisdom and healing via experiencing things which are so contrary to my deepest, gentlest nature…
Who knows. But hopefully that item has died out and been lost to time. Because it was my fear exploiting my gifts for writing, turning me inside out. I was wrong and have had to rectify my words to focus on becoming right, including by writing right things.
Moreover, that private link wasn’t one I ever sent around to the masses or offered up broadly; it just got around, in spite my explicit wishes for it to not be shared. Typical KS World.
My experience was riddled with fear, anxiety, and anger which only showed how hurt and confused I was, due to deeper issues in my own self, not about anyone else.
I was fearing for Innocence.
Fearing for children.
This whole healing crisis really erupted after the topic of child abuse came up in a conversation, triggering things in my subconscious which I didn’t know were overdue to surface. Hidden deep inside me, my own Inner Child was in agony and not safe like he needed, and that topic of abuse activated this ancient agony. This experience was intense and projected outward too much before I could reel it in and get a grip on it, and heal the wounded boy inside of me.
It was like a bad diary entry, not for the light of day but to process my own confusions and frustrations. To get the words out of my head; the projections of my own frustrations. So if you saw it, you know a very wounded part of me I tried to keep under control but couldn’t until afterward.
Truth matters, and like a gong my hologram reverberated my fears and falsities back to me for one of the biggest integrations of my life. It was a long time coming, I suppose. Some of the deepest pain, to excavate some of the most blinding insights, to integrate some of the deepest healing.
If I encounter that item used to support the illusions, fear, or anger contained within it, I will denounce it, and the peddler will be disproven. My position is that anyone who would peddle the invalid claims, is the one who’s peddling lies that were never true, which I never actually believed in but simply feared due to a body-survival complex that had taken over my little reptilian brain, with much help from the religiosity that was running rampant.
My consciousness does not stand behind those fears that came and went, it stands opposite to those statements; so anyone who purveys my past pain as if it’s eternal truth is backing their actions with the corrosion of their own consciousness and perpetuating harm to an innocent person.
If you support the care of Kryst, I encourage you burn it and move on. Write something nice to counter it. Journal about what brings peace to your life. Or reflect on the times your own reptilian fear got the best of you, and any of the pain it may have caused in spite of your best wishes.
Where have you ignored the signs and signals of Life, only to have your hologram reverberate awareness back to you in rough ways? A major issue in the KS Religion is people trying to evade their hologram and blame it on someone else. It’s best to not partake in this religion, because it steals your own evolution out from under you.
You can’t go over it, around it, or under it. You must go through your hologram’s reflection, straight into it, and let it meet you so that you can meet the next level of yourself, which unlocks your consciousness into deeper awareness, healing, and wellbeing. That is how you reclaim your power from the world’s illusions around you.
There’s a reptile in your brain to be aware of, and not be convinced of. Unless there’s a bear in front or you, its perceptions are basically never accurate.
But oh, how real they will feel.
Don’t be fooled.
For now, I felt this needed to be said and clarified for the benefit of all: the benefit of the mirror who didn’t deserve my pained projections, and the benefit of those who themselves might be vulnerable to such falsities, fear, and fearmongering.
Don’t fall for the tactics of religion.
Spirituality can discuss Truth with a calm head. But religion can’t discuss things without fear and hatred. KS religiosity generates such psychosis. I am no longer afraid of the lies I duped myself into believing (nor the strong, toxic energy which made those lies feel so imposing and frightening to my unbeknownst wounds), but am ever regretful for the state I got lost in, before I could find myself again. This catastrophe led me to deep healing I have long needed, levels of myself I had lost to the ways of this world.
But still, I regret the way it occurred.
Innocence is my most cherished thing.
To have hurt it is my deepest pain.
Some of the hardest wisdom I’ve learned is that I can’t heal the world or anyone else’s innocence. I’ve wished and I’ve tried, but it’s simply not possible. A prayer that another may heal their own innocence is the most that can be offered.
All we can really do is heal the pain of our own innocence, and return it back to the peace whence it was born: to the peace that resides at our core.
In Honor of God,
Timothy
15 July 2024